9340

Christmas time in Zamosc. 

9333

I'm feeling real bad about not posting cos I wanted to discipline myself into being more productive, but I'm not having easy time exactly, on many levels, so it's hard. I'm sorry.

That's a little .gif extract from a project I've been working on in August, but it's not available online yet.

9314

that's a music video I helped on with (post production) in the summer. apart from that, I'm pretty ill, I'll be back when I get better.

9304: bird theme

 I saw this homeless man one day on Princes Street. I was walking home after work in the evening, and he was reading a book. I glanced him as I walked by; it was an ornithology book. I'm sure that reality was far from romantic or even interesting, but I allowed myself to dramatise it a bit in my head: birds being free, beautiful creatures "above" us - ever trapped by gravity; you know a bit like this over-quoted Oscar Wilde about gutter and stars.

It also reminded me of all the ornithology books I've read when I was younger that I got from my granddad. He knew a lot about birds and he could tell them by their song. That impressed me, and I wanted him to teach me, but he died before that, and took this, and many other things, with him. I was left with many books, but none of them could tell me how to tell the birds by their song.

I never met anyone who could since then. Anyone would would care about such thing at all.

9301

Sometimes it's like: you're upset, and because of that, you drop a cup, and it breaks, and you're more upset, and you try to clean up, but because you're upset and not careful, you cut yourself on the glass, and you drown in upset.
When one feels weak and small, tiny, tiny things bring us down.

Sometimes I used to feel like Thumbelina, the world was so big, and I was so small, and so many seemingly insignificant things could crush me just like that.

(that's really an old drawing from college times that I've just coloured now, and I'm fine, well as fine as ever, as fine as it gets, thanks)

9298

(sorry, casual bitch, I need a holiday from this bar, really)
People won't make your life easier, not even when you're making theirs easier. 

9297

Still no good: nothing carefree to chase away hopeless questions of the doomed existential kind. But hey, meet Hedgehog: 

Hedgehog as a character has been with me since forever, since I was little, but he (*can't write 'he', he became 'it' in current project) has only been given a proper story recently. Hedgehog's big and strong and scary, made of metal, covered with sharp, deadly spikes.

There was a whole family of hedgehogs living under our terrace, under my window when I was little, and they used to scare the hell out of me in the evening when it was quiet. My dad told me to never look for their nest, because if they thought we knew about them, they'd move away (a bit like Borrowers). And I found them interesting and inspiring: armoured on the outside, but essentially shy and cute creatures.

Also, just being unproductive I looked at the old "Diving Bell" video I helped on back when I was still a student, and gosh, you know how you'd always think of old work like "hell that was rubbish, so long ago" (or maybe that's just me), this time I thought: oh, that looks nice. Especially this last shot I took a screen shot of:

9293

Sad, out of comfort zone times, so I'm trying to think of nice things from the past, like my godson who insisted on putting flowers everywhere in my hair.

(real life watercolour doodle, I know, what the hell is going on. I should go and do some stop-motion instead)

9286

 Like Brucey noticed on her blog, it's not much animation anymore, really.

So here: first it was supposed to be an illustration, but then I couldn't think of a way of putting this across in one image, it became half a comic strip, up to the point when I was: hell, I may as well just animate it, won't take long. Just one evening of amusing myself.

Anyway, another thing with this relentless drawing attempts of mine: I kind of got into this set of mind then I have to make at least one presentable artistic output thing (namely: a drawing, but not always) a day (fellow 'art outputers' would know what that means - an equivalent of when someone takes up jogging or yoga or something ridiculously healthy like giving up smoking*, absolute opposite of the usual bohemian self-destruction). That obviously leads to producing heaps of what I'd like to believe to be meaningful and interesting, but may in fact be just a mediocre crap. Here, on willanimateforwine tumblr, I shall store that crap away. This blog still goes, and it's still THE blog, for all my dodgy revelations and such (selected 'artistic output things' of better quality), like it was before.

Besides, I can't comprehend tumblr. Makes me dizzy,like a a granny sitting to check BBC news online with her grandson. Like, I know how to post things cos that's simple, but anything else, dearee-me, I'm out of there.

*chill, I'm not doing any of those.

9284

(I really set off with "let's just make a quick doodle with max 4 flat colours, then 2 hours passed I don't know when and suddenly I had that. I'm over-doing this recently)

My first 'job' in my life, I got paid in chocolate and kind, when I was a young teenage I was re-painting names on old graves where the paint faded or crumbled away. It was the most fun job in my life, and last year I have worked on a series for Disney Channel.

It was done in October, so they're renovated for All Saints in November, so it was freezing cold, especially sitting on the grave stones. That's the part I wasn't proud of, but one just had to sit on them, there was no way of doing it standing up for so many hours. So sat there, cleaned the stone of all dirt and meticulously painted letter after letter, thinking about these people and times, so long gone. And I'd warm my hands over the candle flame. That was probably what gave me an idea I'd want to study conservation and renovation of art at the time.

I would do it again, it was cold, but really peaceful.

For someone who doesn't even speak Polish that well, I'm feeling very Polish this time of the year. Quite likely because I despise Halloween: it's loud fun and about zombies. When All Saint's all quiet, mournful contemplation of the mystery of life. But for all I know, they may be celebrating Halloween in Poland nowadays too. One Halloween thing I approve of is pumpkin pie, just because I'm a baker. 

(for an artist, I'm utterly rubbish at decorating cakes)

9282

I had this dream the other night, I was wearing a wedding dress, and there was noise of a party in some other room. This boy was lying near me on the sofa, asleep under the blanket. Like children do, left on parties. I tucked him in and said that I needed to go now to get married, but as I tried to move, I realised he wasn't asleep - I heard him crying quietly, not wanting to let me go, but being a brave little solider about it.

I didn't want him to cry, but at the same time it was charming, how he cared.

There are two golden boys in my life. One should soon be receiving "Sticker Dressing Soldiers" I posted him for his birthday. I've never been able to attend any birthday party of neither of them, such is life.

* * *

Also, I'm due an advert, since she made me a commission and didn't charge me: Chrisina Fung's Etsy Shop:

She made ma a HazOwl brooch! Here's a place to get a cool personalised gift, and it's cheapy too, like, comparing to average shop prices for things.

(I probably should also mention Cat Bruce's shop. I've not asked her to make anything for me, but I have two t-shirts decorated by her, back from college times)

9277

I like Regina Spektor, and this song in particular resonates so real. Quick doodle in between other various things that occupy me.

9274

The place I always complain about because of my complaining nature (it's a Polish national heritage, the art of complaining, so I'm bound to cultivate that). A video I made from bits I recorded while working, so it's not all good.

9270

At the bar we've got an un-complete set of Avedon’s Beatles. Lennon, Harrison and Starr. I thought maybe it's some sort of statement, to exclude McCartney. Nothing of this sort, as Jim said: "some wee c*nt pinched Paul McCartney off the wall. Didn't want the rest of them, just Paul McCartney".

And that's how Whistle Binkies was left with a three-quarter of the Beatles. The end.

(I'm working on something else, will be back shortly)

9266

Yesterday was a important day, and today is just another day after that.

 Becoming more and more doodlish, and flowers again. But there's so many flowers in my room now. And for just a brief spell, it's sunny too.

A big parcel arrived from Hiroshima today, with catalogue and promotional materials, all this little Japanese signs look cute. And the whole design's so nice.

Check this out, it's just a bit of the participation certificate, not a big deal, but it's probably the most tasteful, beautiful looking diploma I ever got in my life.

9264

A doodle is all I seem to be able of producing. Oh my. Maybe later.

9257

when I was a child, sunflowers used to be my favourite flowers.
and since I grew up, it's roses. 

I never gave it much thought, until recently someone told me sunflowers were their favourite flowers. Never have I noticed this symbolism before.   

At some point in my life, I'd be very happy to have a garden where I'd grow roses.

And an old German map, a picture I found in a book. Wonderful piece of design.

9254

I've done it, but then as I turned away I started laughing at both him and myself, so in the end I have smiled.

9252

Some time ago I worked at Kolik Ltd. If I ever learned anything there, it was that it's ok to listen to Ben Folds and admit it out loud.

I, for example, adore Paul McCartney. You can judge me now. That's not even the most embarrassing thing from stuff I like.

Young, little, early Beatle-time one.
Maybe some Wings-time some other time. Maybe not.

Something to cheer myself up with.

9249

I don't want to say anything about it yet. Maybe later.

I'm ill again.
:(

9227

Flipping through my very old skeetchbooks, back from the times when I thought I'd be a scientist and I tried to study for A levels. What a joke that was. Even tho that's my own writing, I have no idea what it all mean anymore, other than it's some kind of electricity/voltage stuff. I used to be smart, before I realised it wasn't really worth it. Still, I like all my old notes from physics and chemistry, they look cool, like some magical formulas. And I doodle my classmates while doing all this. My notebooks are full of portraits of my classmates and my teachers.

R was explaining to me things about his exciting automatic rig or whatever the other day, so maybe knowing this stuff is worth something after all.

9222

 Just as I get over the post-festival cold and exhaustion, I'll be back among the living. I thought I was due an update on my bitchy bar-tender alter-ego, especially that it's in her skin I spent most of August. Quick one from yesterday night:

Like, you don't go to, for example, a bank, or a post office, come to the counter and then turn to chat to your friends for few minutes. First of all, because there's a bunch of people waiting to be server behind you, and also, it's a bit disrespectful, isn't it? For some reason these rules don't apply in many bars.
Also, I don't know why some people think it's a good idea to mess with those who are supposed to be taking care or your drunken self, like bar- and door-staff.
£1 for every minute you ignore me, biatch.
(I am evil) 

9214

yeah, I have a metal peg-bar, yeah.

I like weeds. Dandelions, thistles, heather and such. A while ago, I found this super cute dandelion greeting card, I bought it just so I can look at it, maybe when I'm sad I'll send it to myself.

http://yokococo.blogspot.co.uk

9208

Here's what I'm doing this August:

 

Rolling over and back again the map of US (very educational), animating dandelions on the moon, cutting out fairies and other things soon, drawing vicorian war trains, washing mountains of glass and pouring pints with the other hand till 5 in the morning. Unblocking sinks, cleaning sick, visiting embassies, coping with the festival traffic in Edinburgh, certainly not sleeping, not nearly as much as I'd want to. And on top of all this, the world is full of vicious people who peer pressure me to go for a drink.

One would have thought I'd be fine, but being in the ramming centre of town, and working in hospitality, I can't handle Edinburgh in August, I really can't. 

If I ever get out of here

thought of giving it all away

to a registered charity

all I need is a pint a day
if I ever get out of here.
If we ever get out of here.

9202

My friend sent me this video to watch. I didn't know this stuff about schools, oh, it;s disgusting! Sitting with other kids?! I didn't like my school enough just as it was, now it seems like hell...

But from more important and actually relevant stuff, "An Interrupted Story" got into Hiroshima, and that's so incredibly cool. Too bad I won't be able to be there (no passport, I am a loser), but come on, check out these names there, big deal.

Rubbish time, just lost my wallet (convinced it was pick-pocketed, damn), and my id, and it is just a drag to get your id done when you're a foreigner. It really is.

I will get myself to create more non-commercial stuff, I will. For now, flowers are so unoffensive.

9188

It's my nameday today. I forgot, my mum reminded me. It used to be such a big celebration - second Christmas -  for my family in Zamosc, because it is my granny's nameday too. It was warm, children would climb trees, and we'd stay out in the gardens and plait wreaths, a long time ago in the enchanted middle of nowhere's midsummer night's dream.

9180

busy busy busy time. That's something I found on my computer, dated 2006, and I just thought I'd finish it, so I did yesterday. That was the long ago, before I went to art college, when I had to do many rubbish still life drawings and paintings. Can't remember if that woman was inspired by someone who really was in the studio back then, or I drew it just to make it more interesting.

Anyway, I shouldn't make it know I'm finding time to doodle, the truth is - I'm not. Every spare moment I work on something, but I just had to make something beautiful.

9172

All of a sudden someone seemed to decide it's 'summer' in Scotland, and although it's far from sunny, I'm starting to be coming home at some stupid a.m. in the morning every morning. This season of the year when I nearly live in the bar. In between then I'm juggling quite a number of various 'freelance artist' jobs. For an anti-social, sour and depressed person I believe myself to be, I am bloody engaged with the world. 

Cosmic Apple is actually one of the frames from what I've been animating, but I screwed it up, couldn't use it, went bored and coloured it all. Now I really can't use it at all. I'm being so colourful recently.

Also, I'm ill again. I have not been ill for two months, which is the longest that I remember.

9158

There was an idea behind this, until my friend Zane came around and the drinking started again. Then it became just another doodle of colourful things.

I never thought I'd say that, but damn, it's too sunny recently. I only have windows in the roof where I live on the top floor, and I'm not even sure how to cover them.

I've been actually animating a bit recently (sadly, it seems that I need to start working again), meaning: on paper, with a peg bar and stuff. It feels funny, I don't even have a desk, just a coffee table. Not having anywhere to line test I had to flip things to kind of see them. Proper 'back to the roots' fun with cider and spiders. I'll go to the Edinburgh college and get on their rostrum some time to check it, but it will be fine. My ego's too big to doubt it.

9154

Spider in my tea: that really happened few days ago, before I got too busy to take notice of things happening anyway.

It feels summery recently, is it summer yet? You know, warm, and with lots of alcohol consumed, and lots of people visiting, lots of various parties, with animators, or any other bums.

I'm trying to get myself to work, and I can't believe it's the end of the week already, which means, bloody weekend in the bar. I didn't get a chance to recover from the previous one yet. Strangest thing ever, my work piled up. Considering I'm a mix of a workaholic that can never sleep until everything's finished, and a lazy bum that never takes too much work anyway, that's very strange.

9145

Back home, and God I hope to stay here for some time now, please...

Annecy was good, we've seen a lot, we've meet lots of folks (very nice and interesting ones, more interesting that any of the films), it's been sunny and warm, full of blooming roses, the water was wonderful, and I've learned things. About France: that for some reason, they keep their grocery shops hidden (no joking, really hidden), that one should better give away their fags to whoever asks them for it, and that you can drink in the park, that was wonderful news for us. Another thing I learned would be my limit of how long I can stay surrounded by people 24h a day. Yeah, I must be antisocial, and I admired my friend I was with (Will Anderson, who won student category, by the way!) how he could cope with so many people everywhere, all the time. Exhausting. Yeah, I'm an artistic wuss. 
Here we go, Annecy was very educational. 
But overwhelming. I'm still overwhelmed. Oh my…
I have temporary fear of people now, and I need to get over it soon, back to reality: my bar, and my silly animation. 

That's some random Tosca, because I - like most of us bloody 'artist' - have to force myself to produce something every day, and then I end up with random hardly ambitious drawings. We've been to see 'Tosca' for my birthday two weeks ago.

9135

am I being a real bad loser for not being bothered to go to Hiroshima Animation Festival? I've been taking to my friend about it, and I was a bit like: noo, I'd need to get a passport, I don't have a passport. And it would cost a lot of money (good point, but she got me with: you can get that money back), and it's so far away, I hate flying, I absolutely hate flying, and I need to do so much of it anyway, and Japan is soooo far. It's probably soooo cool too, but… soooo far.
Now that she pointed out I'm just being outrageously lazy bum not to take this opportunity, I'm having second thoughts.
Yeah, it probably is a great place to go. On the other hand, I'm really bad  with 'travelling' in general, by train, plane, whatever, I didn't got to Glasgow for BAFTAs or Glasgow Short Film Fest, in a way because I'd rather avoid travelling, and that's just an hour away in a train!
I think I'll wait till they develop teleporting a bit.

And here's my Jubilee contribution, and my general political opinion on the whole Scottish Independence idea: oh really people, can't you see how beautiful Union Jack is as an image? I think it may be my favourite piece of graphic design ever, and I'm simply worried that if Scotland gets out they may get it changed is someone's too zealous. That would make me sad.

 

9131

I'm away.
I'm doing lots of flying, and I hate flying. I'm listening to McCartney's 'Ram' and I love it. I heard it on LP, but it'd good to have a CD on iPod too so he and Wainwright can hush me to sleep on the plane.

In the meantime, for few days it was Zwierzyniec lager outside on the abandoned railway station where lying in the tall grass one can see so many stars. Now it's red wine. We'll see what the next week brings.

And in the meantime of meantimes, I am also growing old, but I'm not really good at this.

Don't have much to show for myself just now. I re-watched 'Avatar' cartoon, thanks to Kri. I needed to skip through some more embarrassing bits (when each of those teenager had some trauma to sort out, please…), but overall, as an animator, I love watching all the fights. I like the way you move it!
(Funny, some time ago I've been to see 'Avengers' and I said it was ok, but the fighting was so long and so boring. Not nearly as sexy, smooth and energetic as in 'Avatar'. I guess that's something live action can't do as well as 2D cartoon).

Right, I'll be back after Annecy and then I'll rumble on...

9116

I thought that maybe I am being a bitch, but having talked to many people they all agree, customer not ending an order with 'please' are simply... rude.
(rich, coming from me, I know)

I'm going away for few weeks.

9110/ Today in full colour:

I haven't done it for a long, long time. Ironically, not since I went to art school. I only did it now because I have some leftover canvas, and a whole set of paints (although they all needed some hard core knife crumbling through the dried paint on top action). So yeah, not a Turner prize things, but it would look nice in the kitchen or something:

I call it: "Carnations, Teapot & Paul McCartney singing" - oil on canvas (he was, Lennon, Scott Walker and Rufus Wainwright sometimes too, but McCartney mostly). Creativity at its utmost. I've got more canvas still, so beware.

I'm feeling somehow impaired. I wish I could draw happy careless smiley faces. Or I wish I could draw this, or that, or that. Never what I actually do, grass is always greener on the other side. Probably the most creative non-commission things I do is life drawing with former college classmates in Starbucks. Here; photoshop one-layer 'painting' based on our last 'session':

Ages ago I had a very best, special friend. Among many things that we annoyed each other with, she would comment on how ridiculously weird compositions I always choose, with the main subject somewhere on the side, often cropped half way in and out of the frame. And that's right, I do that so often, don't know why. Don't know if that's good or bad, it seems that's the way my brain sees stuff. It feels natural that way. Weirdo.

9105

 I like old things, and I like beautiful things, and so I like "Valerie and Her Week of Wonders". I've been 'being disillusioned' (as the acclaimed director Neil Jack put it last time we spoke, and I couldn't help noticing: does that mean that 'illusioned' /deceived/ would be artists' default mode?), so I tried to look into inspiring things.

In a way, it is quite relevant. In art college I've been trying to learn film-making: perhaps organising and labeling things makes it seem manageable, a bit safer. Is there a 'safer', more 'manageable' way to do art? Bullshit. And that's what things like "Valerie" remind me of: they'd take me for some insane ride and give me a beating until all of these so-called principals crumble, until there's nothing to understand, nothing to comprehend, nothing to write essays about. Just the world to experience.

that's some weird drawings, sorry. I'm tired.

9102

 bits of stuff I've been doing when I'm actually being creative, bits of storyboard (although not in story order, they looked better re-arranged) I've been doing some time ago. Actual story is something I've been working on years ago, on my Foundation year at MMU, but I only got to develop it now:

perhaps that will get animated some time in the summer.

hopefully I could be putting more here. It's quite hard to do anything, I don't have a scanner, I don't have Internet, and too often I'm not in a fit state, and then I often can't even publish what I do anyway.

Party season, and going away places season had started. I'll do some happy things, I tell myself.  Life's either bleak and scary facing our insignificance, or it's strawberries, love and dances.
(and a bit of hang over following)

PS. Worker's Day. I totally didn't realise it's May already. I'm not here with the real world. (Nostalgia)

9089

Many things and no-things are happening. Nice Edinburgh spring, hailing, and raining, and sunny too - all one can ask for. Had adventures with doctors (pirates and scientists), but it seems like I'm getting real better. Never liked them, doctors, poking you here and there and acting all mighty like they know stuff about your own self better than you do.

In the meantime, while ago, but I never yet got to mention it, Gaz (and Pete) won BAFTA New Talent Scotland for all the noise they made for "An Interrupted Story" - dashing times:

and I got someone writing nice things about me here.

And some shitty strip at the end, not sure if it actually works at all. It worked back then, the guy looked like he was * r e a l * e x c i t e d about that band . . .