8190

it all started to feel as if it was playing too fast. "i don't like your pacing", i thought to my life.
all the wonders and amusements i had during this way too long weekend, including seeing people having sex on the bus stop, one couple kissing, that looked alot like that shot from 'spiderman', only that the guy wasn't upside down, then one man pissing, but completely naked, and some more strange people. then the rain was getting heavier and heavier and i drunk too much. i mean, not that much, but i was supposed to work on the storyboard, and i'm not able.
then again i had some guy giving me his number. again - it doesn't happen every day, but often enough for me, who doesn't do that at all.
i don't really get it, if i were to have a relationship it would so not start with exchanging phone numbers. i am a helpless romantic. i would never go out with someone just for his look (or wouldn't respect a guy who does for her look).
i mean, if you just want to get laid, there's so many more drunk women in the bar, you don't go for a barmaid who obviously won't be able to go with you that night cos she's working.
and if you're after something more than simply sex, then it's well shallow to do it that way.

if i were interested in someone, i would talk to them. i would talk to them again, i would look for a chance to talk, i would want to find out so many things about them and tell them about me before i'd even think of giving them my number and suggesting "i've got a double bed and it feels empty there".
i probably am a helpless romantic and can't find my way in the modern world.
that's how i never really look at this numbers i get.

in general, it wasn't the best weekend i ever had...

8182 on the way to the station Nowhere we encounter funny places.

i am a bad, bad barmaid. what i wrote some time ago about the licencing law getting more and more strict, and all the discouraging from drinking idea... i feel a bit like a devil watching my customers through the night, how someone comes for just one pint early on, and ends up barely walking at 4 am.
i've been unfortunate enough to see some bad films recently. or - so to say - highly acclaimed shite.
probably the best of the worst was hertzfeldt's 'meaning of life'.
i used to hate his films, i refuse to remember his name (i copied and pasted it from wiki up there) - i feel like i'm absolutely from different planet there, because i don't find his films funny at all. i find them stupid and vexatious, like when in a train or something you have to listen to some culturally retarded teenagers' conversation.
but i was made watch all of his dvd in college. that was a disturbing experience. i found myself in the room full of people laughing at something that was making me feel sick. it was an interesting thing indeed - made me think of how awful human nature is and how much i don't belong there. intentionally or not, i've learned something valuable from his films.
ay, about 'the meaning of life' - that actually was funny, because this film, as i thought, wasn't meant to be a comedy, yet people were still laughing. the audience is a vicious thing, indeed.

god, i've got some hard character design (i properly suck at that) and a story board to do, then - i'm quite busy at the bar as well, and i'm so sleepy. and the project at uni to do as well, it's not bad, but it seems like that would take quite alot of my time. and so much is happening on the computer, i don't like working on the computer that much.(drawin by Cat Bruce, coloured by me again, i like our collabs)

8130

i found a watch, quite a nice one. nice enough for me to keep it. i like how its face has similar design to all these scary clocks in the old part of London. and it has one wee window with day of the month in it, that's god damn useful for someone like me (September really surprised me this year, i was sure i had at least 10 days of August left when it was the 1st already).
i fixed it.
but i can't wear it. it just feels wrong, as if my hand were cursed by some "time-measurin" monster.
it is beautiful, but scary at the same time.
fixing it, when i think of it now, it was kinda like giving the life to something that shouldn't be alive.
isn't that the filthy job of an animator?

1st of September was also changes in drinking policies in Scotland. it is really, really bad. as if drinking weren't so expensive already, you've gotta ID everyone under 25 (bloody 25), now you can't have deals on alcohol (no 'happy hours' in pubs then, no buy 1 get 1 free in TESCO... that makes me sad... we're only having 'sad hours' now). but you know what pissed me off most? that me, as a bartender, in the holy name of "discouraging from drinking" can't suggest "the same" drink to the customer. i can't ask: "same?" and serve the drink the customer was drinking here for years, because that encourages drinking. honestly, that's how we make tips. and that's the pub culture. o my god, this world's going nuts.

well, let's make the legal drinking age 25 then, and double the prices, oh yeah, because that's gonna fix everything.

8112

yesterday (today morning, actually), something past 6am, i met one drunk woman. she wasn't even that bad. she started walking next to me, telling me how she gad that argument with her father, i got to know her whole family story (quite a complicated one), her tattoos and god knows what else i was fine without knowing.
first, when she started, i let her talk, i though - if she needed that, i can half listen on my way home. but then i got pissed off. was i a green fairy again?
you know, that happens, you get to listen to whatever the drunken men at your bar have to say. green fairy - some mysterious creature keeping the alcoholic's company, listening to his stories.
i'm not a fairy.
i'm not a piece of furniture one'd talk to.
i don't feel like carng for anyone's dramas. i can only make films based on some more interesting ones.

it pissed me off, because - like most of them - she never cared about me. never cared if i wanted to listen or not, what was i doing there at 6 am. never cared if i even existed, treated me like a thing, a simple thing to talk to. i don't feel like listening to such people's dramas.
if i were a green fairy, i would eat them afterwards.