9105

 I like old things, and I like beautiful things, and so I like "Valerie and Her Week of Wonders". I've been 'being disillusioned' (as the acclaimed director Neil Jack put it last time we spoke, and I couldn't help noticing: does that mean that 'illusioned' /deceived/ would be artists' default mode?), so I tried to look into inspiring things.

In a way, it is quite relevant. In art college I've been trying to learn film-making: perhaps organising and labeling things makes it seem manageable, a bit safer. Is there a 'safer', more 'manageable' way to do art? Bullshit. And that's what things like "Valerie" remind me of: they'd take me for some insane ride and give me a beating until all of these so-called principals crumble, until there's nothing to understand, nothing to comprehend, nothing to write essays about. Just the world to experience.

that's some weird drawings, sorry. I'm tired.

9102

 bits of stuff I've been doing when I'm actually being creative, bits of storyboard (although not in story order, they looked better re-arranged) I've been doing some time ago. Actual story is something I've been working on years ago, on my Foundation year at MMU, but I only got to develop it now:

perhaps that will get animated some time in the summer.

hopefully I could be putting more here. It's quite hard to do anything, I don't have a scanner, I don't have Internet, and too often I'm not in a fit state, and then I often can't even publish what I do anyway.

Party season, and going away places season had started. I'll do some happy things, I tell myself.  Life's either bleak and scary facing our insignificance, or it's strawberries, love and dances.
(and a bit of hang over following)

PS. Worker's Day. I totally didn't realise it's May already. I'm not here with the real world. (Nostalgia)

9089

Many things and no-things are happening. Nice Edinburgh spring, hailing, and raining, and sunny too - all one can ask for. Had adventures with doctors (pirates and scientists), but it seems like I'm getting real better. Never liked them, doctors, poking you here and there and acting all mighty like they know stuff about your own self better than you do.

In the meantime, while ago, but I never yet got to mention it, Gaz (and Pete) won BAFTA New Talent Scotland for all the noise they made for "An Interrupted Story" - dashing times:

and I got someone writing nice things about me here.

And some shitty strip at the end, not sure if it actually works at all. It worked back then, the guy looked like he was * r e a l * e x c i t e d about that band . . .

9079 /P. Gauguin:1897

I love history, I believe that knowing origins of things helps comprehending them. Both on personal level of one's feelings, and in general: socially, politically, economically: tomorrow's a result of today, that's a result of yesterday.
I don't want to dismiss yesterday.
Whether we like or not, we've been created by the culture of this and that.
Whether I'm to be proud of this heritage or not, I want to respect it.

It makes me feel a bit lonely in the world that's looking mostly into producing the force to drive the today. On the other hand, it is a form of carpe diem (ironically, such unpopular knowledge as of latin and ancient history required to describe it...). It's all great, but god*, don't let us become a generation that came from nowhere, or we may be going nowhere too.

Chocolate sickens me more than burning incense used to when I was little.

*figuratively, in spite of the traditionalistic tone of this note, and Easter time.

9073

a bit of blowing the studio's I worked in trumpet:
you know how I was dead to the animation world last half a year? That was mainly thanks to this super fun production:

read the rest of it here

There's another one here too.

And this is why they call me the Fast And Furious Pony of the East:

9055

Animation is a sticky poo. It's something on the edge of many religions, it's a bit of everything in a wide meanings of 'fine art' and 'visual entertainment'. I thought I was regarding it more as art, less as design, hence my choice of alma mater. Of course one needs to pay taxes for the doubtful pleasure of being alive, and therefore embrace the commercial side of animation to pay the bills.

I've been thinking recently of all this film making I've been known to be doing. Like: what's the point, and such. Really, there isn't much point, yet the effort is enormous, so the balance's not quite right. And it's not about making them any different way, so they're more this or that. Like, maybe less obscure, less arty-farty. That doesn't bother me, actually. It's the pointlessness of producing fine art in general, and depths of the animation industry swamps that easily get one caught in technical details. So it becomes less and less about art, up to the day when you find yourself fascinated by a new camera lens or a video codec and nothing else. I sometimes get an impression we're stonemasons who, obsessed with sculpting the most meticulously patterned pillar, lost sight of the god they were building the temple for.

So I sometimes wonder if I should do something else. But I'm a damn animator. Hopeless case.

I guess I'll just continue to make films. My hair grow whether I like it or not, and so are the films - that can't be helped. Oh dear…


Also, here's another tea 'poem' I found in my old sketchbook. Worry not, rest of them seems mostly too personal to be published so it's not a new fashion.

Yes, my life's about drinking tea a lot.

9052

that's a scan from my old sketchbook, from some years ago, college days. I've been going through them, sketchbooks, to look for something that would remind me why exactly I become an animator, but I failed. Oh my. I found other stuff tho, like this:

and this one it's more current, just from few days ago:

9042

yes, their staff does shine.
I wasn't in that particular one since then, and I shan't for the rest of the month. Somehow, I don't like the idea of being recognised. Luckily, living in the very center of the town, I'm spoiled for choice of coffee houses. This one was just the closest one.