8151: uni started again.

i was as negative as i can, you can always count on me when it comes to that. it actually made me feel sick. all that enthusiasm, many loud people, new, "exciting" projects, all overflowing with happiness. i'm probably alergic to happiness.
and the banner project: i want to be a film maker, not a banner maker. shit happens, i have to do it.
i've been thinking of animation schools recently. you know, many people complain about Edinbrurgh College of Art, that nobody really teaches us anything etc. isn't that life, that you only get what you reach out for? that there's nothing really given?
there probably are schools that produce amazing, tiny cogs to fit into the animation studio machine. people who study all these tricks to make an animation look more real than live action. people who absolutely succeed in that. people who don't seem to have anything to say.
when i'm watching their work, it looks so much more mature than our silly things. and i can't see a single personality showing in these. just the massive monster of the industy conventions.
i'd rather wish to see animation "reach into places where live action doesn't go", really.
in the end i don't mind not being that skilled in portraying motion, because that's not what animation's about. whatever it is about, i can't be sure. but it's just what i make it, and i make it much deeper.
i'm happy to be attending ECA, where animation dep looks pretty much like the Toon Town from Rogger Rabbit. no matter how much i feel sick there sometimes, with all my alergic to happiness, there isn't any better place to be.



"why do people want to fly?"
"because they can't?", Bruce answered.

8137

i was thinking alot, what the hell is love. i heard many people talking about it, so i though it must be something important. sadly, i couldn't think of anyone who would know what love is. i texted Bruce, i though that from all the people, she would know.
she answered:
"a type of fruit u can buy only in ALDI... only in ALDI..."
clown.
i sometimes think i would like to be human, and they seem to be about love, so i wanted to know.
i don't think it would be an easy one.

what is love?
i am seriously looking for any answers because i have no idea. simply no idea.

8135

end of festival season. edinburgh international festival fireworks:

like that, and many other, for an hour yesterday night. feels like Walt Disney movie.
recorded with one of the crappies cameras ever.
note to Santa Claus: i want a new camera. i just remembered that the one i'm using isn't even mine...

8130

i found a watch, quite a nice one. nice enough for me to keep it. i like how its face has similar design to all these scary clocks in the old part of London. and it has one wee window with day of the month in it, that's god damn useful for someone like me (September really surprised me this year, i was sure i had at least 10 days of August left when it was the 1st already).
i fixed it.
but i can't wear it. it just feels wrong, as if my hand were cursed by some "time-measurin" monster.
it is beautiful, but scary at the same time.
fixing it, when i think of it now, it was kinda like giving the life to something that shouldn't be alive.
isn't that the filthy job of an animator?

1st of September was also changes in drinking policies in Scotland. it is really, really bad. as if drinking weren't so expensive already, you've gotta ID everyone under 25 (bloody 25), now you can't have deals on alcohol (no 'happy hours' in pubs then, no buy 1 get 1 free in TESCO... that makes me sad... we're only having 'sad hours' now). but you know what pissed me off most? that me, as a bartender, in the holy name of "discouraging from drinking" can't suggest "the same" drink to the customer. i can't ask: "same?" and serve the drink the customer was drinking here for years, because that encourages drinking. honestly, that's how we make tips. and that's the pub culture. o my god, this world's going nuts.

well, let's make the legal drinking age 25 then, and double the prices, oh yeah, because that's gonna fix everything.

8127

i've got way too much work. at work. and at home with animation.
"someday were both gonna die, our bodies will rot and maggots will live in us, so lets be happy" (Robert Benfer, he's no authority, i just liked this silly song)

8112

yesterday (today morning, actually), something past 6am, i met one drunk woman. she wasn't even that bad. she started walking next to me, telling me how she gad that argument with her father, i got to know her whole family story (quite a complicated one), her tattoos and god knows what else i was fine without knowing.
first, when she started, i let her talk, i though - if she needed that, i can half listen on my way home. but then i got pissed off. was i a green fairy again?
you know, that happens, you get to listen to whatever the drunken men at your bar have to say. green fairy - some mysterious creature keeping the alcoholic's company, listening to his stories.
i'm not a fairy.
i'm not a piece of furniture one'd talk to.
i don't feel like carng for anyone's dramas. i can only make films based on some more interesting ones.

it pissed me off, because - like most of them - she never cared about me. never cared if i wanted to listen or not, what was i doing there at 6 am. never cared if i even existed, treated me like a thing, a simple thing to talk to. i don't feel like listening to such people's dramas.
if i were a green fairy, i would eat them afterwards.

8109

i only got this blog so i can comment on other people.