9257

when I was a child, sunflowers used to be my favourite flowers.
and since I grew up, it's roses. 

I never gave it much thought, until recently someone told me sunflowers were their favourite flowers. Never have I noticed this symbolism before.   

At some point in my life, I'd be very happy to have a garden where I'd grow roses.

And an old German map, a picture I found in a book. Wonderful piece of design.

9105

 I like old things, and I like beautiful things, and so I like "Valerie and Her Week of Wonders". I've been 'being disillusioned' (as the acclaimed director Neil Jack put it last time we spoke, and I couldn't help noticing: does that mean that 'illusioned' /deceived/ would be artists' default mode?), so I tried to look into inspiring things.

In a way, it is quite relevant. In art college I've been trying to learn film-making: perhaps organising and labeling things makes it seem manageable, a bit safer. Is there a 'safer', more 'manageable' way to do art? Bullshit. And that's what things like "Valerie" remind me of: they'd take me for some insane ride and give me a beating until all of these so-called principals crumble, until there's nothing to understand, nothing to comprehend, nothing to write essays about. Just the world to experience.

that's some weird drawings, sorry. I'm tired.

9079 /P. Gauguin:1897

I love history, I believe that knowing origins of things helps comprehending them. Both on personal level of one's feelings, and in general: socially, politically, economically: tomorrow's a result of today, that's a result of yesterday.
I don't want to dismiss yesterday.
Whether we like or not, we've been created by the culture of this and that.
Whether I'm to be proud of this heritage or not, I want to respect it.

It makes me feel a bit lonely in the world that's looking mostly into producing the force to drive the today. On the other hand, it is a form of carpe diem (ironically, such unpopular knowledge as of latin and ancient history required to describe it...). It's all great, but god*, don't let us become a generation that came from nowhere, or we may be going nowhere too.

Chocolate sickens me more than burning incense used to when I was little.

*figuratively, in spite of the traditionalistic tone of this note, and Easter time.