9622

possibly one of the backgrounds for one of my current commissions. Possibly. But I liked it as an image, so in case it never made it to the final render, here it is for the records.

9585

couldn't attend Jaroslaw.

9454

 

 spring time doodle.

9399

Another emo piece done in November and since November it was sitting in my 'unfinished'. I may as well label it as finished, now that November is so distant and irrelevant anymore. And this blog needs attention.

------------

told you it was real emo.

9340

Christmas time in Zamosc. 

9304: bird theme

 I saw this homeless man one day on Princes Street. I was walking home after work in the evening, and he was reading a book. I glanced him as I walked by; it was an ornithology book. I'm sure that reality was far from romantic or even interesting, but I allowed myself to dramatise it a bit in my head: birds being free, beautiful creatures "above" us - ever trapped by gravity; you know a bit like this over-quoted Oscar Wilde about gutter and stars.

It also reminded me of all the ornithology books I've read when I was younger that I got from my granddad. He knew a lot about birds and he could tell them by their song. That impressed me, and I wanted him to teach me, but he died before that, and took this, and many other things, with him. I was left with many books, but none of them could tell me how to tell the birds by their song.

I never met anyone who could since then. Anyone would would care about such thing at all.

9301

Sometimes it's like: you're upset, and because of that, you drop a cup, and it breaks, and you're more upset, and you try to clean up, but because you're upset and not careful, you cut yourself on the glass, and you drown in upset.
When one feels weak and small, tiny, tiny things bring us down.

Sometimes I used to feel like Thumbelina, the world was so big, and I was so small, and so many seemingly insignificant things could crush me just like that.

(that's really an old drawing from college times that I've just coloured now, and I'm fine, well as fine as ever, as fine as it gets, thanks)

9297

Still no good: nothing carefree to chase away hopeless questions of the doomed existential kind. But hey, meet Hedgehog: 

Hedgehog as a character has been with me since forever, since I was little, but he (*can't write 'he', he became 'it' in current project) has only been given a proper story recently. Hedgehog's big and strong and scary, made of metal, covered with sharp, deadly spikes.

There was a whole family of hedgehogs living under our terrace, under my window when I was little, and they used to scare the hell out of me in the evening when it was quiet. My dad told me to never look for their nest, because if they thought we knew about them, they'd move away (a bit like Borrowers). And I found them interesting and inspiring: armoured on the outside, but essentially shy and cute creatures.

Also, just being unproductive I looked at the old "Diving Bell" video I helped on back when I was still a student, and gosh, you know how you'd always think of old work like "hell that was rubbish, so long ago" (or maybe that's just me), this time I thought: oh, that looks nice. Especially this last shot I took a screen shot of:

9293

Sad, out of comfort zone times, so I'm trying to think of nice things from the past, like my godson who insisted on putting flowers everywhere in my hair.

(real life watercolour doodle, I know, what the hell is going on. I should go and do some stop-motion instead)

9286

 Like Brucey noticed on her blog, it's not much animation anymore, really.

So here: first it was supposed to be an illustration, but then I couldn't think of a way of putting this across in one image, it became half a comic strip, up to the point when I was: hell, I may as well just animate it, won't take long. Just one evening of amusing myself.

Anyway, another thing with this relentless drawing attempts of mine: I kind of got into this set of mind then I have to make at least one presentable artistic output thing (namely: a drawing, but not always) a day (fellow 'art outputers' would know what that means - an equivalent of when someone takes up jogging or yoga or something ridiculously healthy like giving up smoking*, absolute opposite of the usual bohemian self-destruction). That obviously leads to producing heaps of what I'd like to believe to be meaningful and interesting, but may in fact be just a mediocre crap. Here, on willanimateforwine tumblr, I shall store that crap away. This blog still goes, and it's still THE blog, for all my dodgy revelations and such (selected 'artistic output things' of better quality), like it was before.

Besides, I can't comprehend tumblr. Makes me dizzy,like a a granny sitting to check BBC news online with her grandson. Like, I know how to post things cos that's simple, but anything else, dearee-me, I'm out of there.

*chill, I'm not doing any of those.

9284

(I really set off with "let's just make a quick doodle with max 4 flat colours, then 2 hours passed I don't know when and suddenly I had that. I'm over-doing this recently)

My first 'job' in my life, I got paid in chocolate and kind, when I was a young teenage I was re-painting names on old graves where the paint faded or crumbled away. It was the most fun job in my life, and last year I have worked on a series for Disney Channel.

It was done in October, so they're renovated for All Saints in November, so it was freezing cold, especially sitting on the grave stones. That's the part I wasn't proud of, but one just had to sit on them, there was no way of doing it standing up for so many hours. So sat there, cleaned the stone of all dirt and meticulously painted letter after letter, thinking about these people and times, so long gone. And I'd warm my hands over the candle flame. That was probably what gave me an idea I'd want to study conservation and renovation of art at the time.

I would do it again, it was cold, but really peaceful.

For someone who doesn't even speak Polish that well, I'm feeling very Polish this time of the year. Quite likely because I despise Halloween: it's loud fun and about zombies. When All Saint's all quiet, mournful contemplation of the mystery of life. But for all I know, they may be celebrating Halloween in Poland nowadays too. One Halloween thing I approve of is pumpkin pie, just because I'm a baker. 

(for an artist, I'm utterly rubbish at decorating cakes)

9282

I had this dream the other night, I was wearing a wedding dress, and there was noise of a party in some other room. This boy was lying near me on the sofa, asleep under the blanket. Like children do, left on parties. I tucked him in and said that I needed to go now to get married, but as I tried to move, I realised he wasn't asleep - I heard him crying quietly, not wanting to let me go, but being a brave little solider about it.

I didn't want him to cry, but at the same time it was charming, how he cared.

There are two golden boys in my life. One should soon be receiving "Sticker Dressing Soldiers" I posted him for his birthday. I've never been able to attend any birthday party of neither of them, such is life.

* * *

Also, I'm due an advert, since she made me a commission and didn't charge me: Chrisina Fung's Etsy Shop:

She made ma a HazOwl brooch! Here's a place to get a cool personalised gift, and it's cheapy too, like, comparing to average shop prices for things.

(I probably should also mention Cat Bruce's shop. I've not asked her to make anything for me, but I have two t-shirts decorated by her, back from college times)

9277

I like Regina Spektor, and this song in particular resonates so real. Quick doodle in between other various things that occupy me.

9266

Yesterday was a important day, and today is just another day after that.

 Becoming more and more doodlish, and flowers again. But there's so many flowers in my room now. And for just a brief spell, it's sunny too.

A big parcel arrived from Hiroshima today, with catalogue and promotional materials, all this little Japanese signs look cute. And the whole design's so nice.

Check this out, it's just a bit of the participation certificate, not a big deal, but it's probably the most tasteful, beautiful looking diploma I ever got in my life.

9264

A doodle is all I seem to be able of producing. Oh my. Maybe later.

9257

when I was a child, sunflowers used to be my favourite flowers.
and since I grew up, it's roses. 

I never gave it much thought, until recently someone told me sunflowers were their favourite flowers. Never have I noticed this symbolism before.   

At some point in my life, I'd be very happy to have a garden where I'd grow roses.

And an old German map, a picture I found in a book. Wonderful piece of design.

9252

Some time ago I worked at Kolik Ltd. If I ever learned anything there, it was that it's ok to listen to Ben Folds and admit it out loud.

I, for example, adore Paul McCartney. You can judge me now. That's not even the most embarrassing thing from stuff I like.

Young, little, early Beatle-time one.
Maybe some Wings-time some other time. Maybe not.

Something to cheer myself up with.

9249

I don't want to say anything about it yet. Maybe later.

I'm ill again.
:(

9180

busy busy busy time. That's something I found on my computer, dated 2006, and I just thought I'd finish it, so I did yesterday. That was the long ago, before I went to art college, when I had to do many rubbish still life drawings and paintings. Can't remember if that woman was inspired by someone who really was in the studio back then, or I drew it just to make it more interesting.

Anyway, I shouldn't make it know I'm finding time to doodle, the truth is - I'm not. Every spare moment I work on something, but I just had to make something beautiful.

9110/ Today in full colour:

I haven't done it for a long, long time. Ironically, not since I went to art school. I only did it now because I have some leftover canvas, and a whole set of paints (although they all needed some hard core knife crumbling through the dried paint on top action). So yeah, not a Turner prize things, but it would look nice in the kitchen or something:

I call it: "Carnations, Teapot & Paul McCartney singing" - oil on canvas (he was, Lennon, Scott Walker and Rufus Wainwright sometimes too, but McCartney mostly). Creativity at its utmost. I've got more canvas still, so beware.

I'm feeling somehow impaired. I wish I could draw happy careless smiley faces. Or I wish I could draw this, or that, or that. Never what I actually do, grass is always greener on the other side. Probably the most creative non-commission things I do is life drawing with former college classmates in Starbucks. Here; photoshop one-layer 'painting' based on our last 'session':

Ages ago I had a very best, special friend. Among many things that we annoyed each other with, she would comment on how ridiculously weird compositions I always choose, with the main subject somewhere on the side, often cropped half way in and out of the frame. And that's right, I do that so often, don't know why. Don't know if that's good or bad, it seems that's the way my brain sees stuff. It feels natural that way. Weirdo.