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I had this dream the other night, I was wearing a wedding dress, and there was noise of a party in some other room. This boy was lying near me on the sofa, asleep under the blanket. Like children do, left on parties. I tucked him in and said that I needed to go now to get married, but as I tried to move, I realised he wasn't asleep - I heard him crying quietly, not wanting to let me go, but being a brave little solider about it.

I didn't want him to cry, but at the same time it was charming, how he cared.

There are two golden boys in my life. One should soon be receiving "Sticker Dressing Soldiers" I posted him for his birthday. I've never been able to attend any birthday party of neither of them, such is life.

* * *

Also, I'm due an advert, since she made me a commission and didn't charge me: Chrisina Fung's Etsy Shop:

She made ma a HazOwl brooch! Here's a place to get a cool personalised gift, and it's cheapy too, like, comparing to average shop prices for things.

(I probably should also mention Cat Bruce's shop. I've not asked her to make anything for me, but I have two t-shirts decorated by her, back from college times)

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besides that stupid fancy of being a lousy barmaid on the weekends, I actually work as an animator. I know, shocking.

(the last bit was her impression of me, not myself, really - I will be chained to my desk, and I'll enjoy every bit of it)

8808

Back in the bar, flat and job hunting still. Freelance life - things get turned around from day to day. I can't tell the up from down. Or maybe it's that vodka. Oh yeah, did I mention I was back in the bar I used to work before? It's not bad.


a sketch of Cat Bruce, my classmate. I drew that like two months ago, but never got around to scan it.



here you can watch the video I was working on recently. Sorry for youtube quality. Considering it took me two days to make, I'm quite happy with it. Bright colours, everything happy and sparkling.

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Good Sunday,

Probably lots had happened again but I was busy having lots happening to me so I couldn't write. What happened recently, so I still remember: Cindy Derby's "Edward's House of String". I mentioned that before, the performance me and Cat Bruce helped on, it was pretty awesome. So me and Cat had a good night.

Me, Pete Smith and Gareth Griffiths had also kind of finished the train film (that now has an official title, I should change the labels on the blog maybe some time...), kind of, it is, because we're still working on the sound. Anyway, I don't see it being screened anywhere before June (and I'm not even sure about June), so I'll keep it quiet for now, sorry. There should be a trailer available online within a month.

In the meantime, I had to start working on that degree film of mine (is there a deviation like that? A constant urge to make films?), here's some pictures, I don't have a camera of my own, so it's always a bit of a hassle to get any:

bits of the set

messy workplace of mine

part of the set again

from under the rostrum camera

As for more general, and far more important stuff, my oven broke, which is the greatest tragedy of all, and I can't get anyone who'd want to see "Tangled" with me, which makes me sad, well sad, I'm such a sad character.


PS. Oscars: Kind's Speech and How to Train Your Dragon. Because I say so, so it must be so.

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I've started working on my degree film to be, still busy with the train project (almost there, almost there, maybe I'll post something about that in few weeks). After being all 2D and digital, I decided to try cut outs under the rostrum camera for that. Just so it's different, really, and because my studio in college is really freezing in the winter, so it's nice to hide in the darkroom (yes, these are the best reasons I can come up with to explain my choices about degree film. It is, if someone thought I take that degree seriously - I don't. Come one, I am studying a-ni-ma-tion. How can I be serious about it?). There is a separate blog for this production for the assessments purposes, but I haven't been updating it much.

Here's some pictures for stuff I've been trying for my degree-film-to-be:

(as you can see, there is smoking again, there is usually some smoking in my films, any problems with that?)

In the meantime, because working on two big films and dissertation (ok, I'm not doing the last one, but I should have, god, I should have...) is not enough, Cat Bruce and I got involved in another extra project: helping Cindy Derby on animations that are to be in her puppet performance. You can read more about that on her blog. Here's some pictures from that (not sure if I'm allowed to put them online or not, really, but I like them), animated by Cat Bruce so she did the real magic, but I designed the cut out puppet (oh what a complex design, isn't it?), did some lighting and camera stuff, so there's like 20% of my work there!

I think they look awesome. Well done Cat, she's doing some crazy magic.

So yep, that's how it's going. I find myself thinking of Poland again, can't wait to see Warsaw in December again (first thing I miss about Warsaw is its Chinese, and then my friend there. Ultimately, my friend out with me having Chinese...). But back on Earth: keep going girl, you really have to finish these films!

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Will Anderson's character design for the train project

i'll do something with my life, not only with my films. i hope it won't cost me a lung cancer. i'm a little unsure about the future, and i don't like it for one simple reason: i can't book advance tickets anywhere if i don't know which country i'll be in. and i don't like flying.

we started working on the train projects, the life in college got some meaning for me again. it's a bloody filmic image, and i want to make it. accidently, i found this idea for my gaduation film, which would be something totally different. so i want to do it even more. i'm working with many (more than one is many for us) people on that, it's challenging, overwhelming, yet exciting.

Cat Bruce's character design

oh, i wanted to put some pencil tests here, but blogger's gone bad, i can see. o welles...

8182 on the way to the station Nowhere we encounter funny places.

i am a bad, bad barmaid. what i wrote some time ago about the licencing law getting more and more strict, and all the discouraging from drinking idea... i feel a bit like a devil watching my customers through the night, how someone comes for just one pint early on, and ends up barely walking at 4 am.
i've been unfortunate enough to see some bad films recently. or - so to say - highly acclaimed shite.
probably the best of the worst was hertzfeldt's 'meaning of life'.
i used to hate his films, i refuse to remember his name (i copied and pasted it from wiki up there) - i feel like i'm absolutely from different planet there, because i don't find his films funny at all. i find them stupid and vexatious, like when in a train or something you have to listen to some culturally retarded teenagers' conversation.
but i was made watch all of his dvd in college. that was a disturbing experience. i found myself in the room full of people laughing at something that was making me feel sick. it was an interesting thing indeed - made me think of how awful human nature is and how much i don't belong there. intentionally or not, i've learned something valuable from his films.
ay, about 'the meaning of life' - that actually was funny, because this film, as i thought, wasn't meant to be a comedy, yet people were still laughing. the audience is a vicious thing, indeed.

god, i've got some hard character design (i properly suck at that) and a story board to do, then - i'm quite busy at the bar as well, and i'm so sleepy. and the project at uni to do as well, it's not bad, but it seems like that would take quite alot of my time. and so much is happening on the computer, i don't like working on the computer that much.(drawin by Cat Bruce, coloured by me again, i like our collabs)

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i don't have the thing for any new film recently. looking through many stories, some of them may be good if i give them more thought, but it just doesn't grasp me. sometimes i get a little kick for a day of two, but it doesn't last long. and it needs to last hell long for an animator.



there is one story i originally thought of as live action, but i think it may be interesing in animation as well. kind of 'romance', but without love really. interesing? i may talk it through with Bruce (meaning: i would talk and talk and she would drink tea or irn bru not necessarily listening, but simply talkin would make me realise what works and what doesn't. i can do it without Bruce really, but it makes me feel more insane to talk clearly to myself. i need her around as an excuse).
then, i wanted to so stop motion for a while, but it doesn't feel like stop motion at all.

my computer's falling apart as well. that sucks.

the film i'm working on right now, it's more of some experimental play than a film really. and i find myself well random when the big question (delivered by the devil himself - Alan Mason) arrives: "WHY?".
why - behind every little choice i make.
in this particular project i would say - "why not?".
that seems to be an answer for a while.
it isn't really.
it's more of an excuse.
i may try to use it for time being, simply because i seem unable to find any answers recently. but i won't give up.

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my pc crashed again and i started browsing apple online store (one day, one day...).
current project can't get me excited at all.
and i don't give a shit about professor Mason saying that it's the student that makes the project exciting. embracing everything as it comes and giving it all - that feels like mental whoring for me. life's too short and if i were to give it all to every single project, it'd be even shorter. i enjoy sleeping and wasting it as well.

high on cream soda (another thing Bruce got me into), and i think i've got a cold. i find it so much easier to work directly on the computer, but then it becomes pointless to go to college. i like going there for social reasons. so i end up going, wasting all that time and not having any work done.
autumn looks pretty in Edinburgh. i even went quite ok with money. at least till the end of this month. another thing i became so British at: feeling so mighty after Friday when i get my wages.

maybe that's how it should be: crashing, your computer gives you an excuse to drink another coffee and write something on your blog.

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i was thinking alot, what the hell is love. i heard many people talking about it, so i though it must be something important. sadly, i couldn't think of anyone who would know what love is. i texted Bruce, i though that from all the people, she would know.
she answered:
"a type of fruit u can buy only in ALDI... only in ALDI..."
clown.
i sometimes think i would like to be human, and they seem to be about love, so i wanted to know.
i don't think it would be an easy one.

what is love?
i am seriously looking for any answers because i have no idea. simply no idea.